Only the Good

“I’m angry,” he said. “I know.”  I put my hands over his clenched fists. “How did you do it?” I shrugged.  I don’t really know. “Positive thinking?” I ask.   The whole Universe rushes forward to shush me. He growled.  In only the way he can. And that is the last time we talked. See you…

Groundhog Day

February 6th is my own weird version of Groundhog Day, except that it doesn’t necessarily repeat the same cycles… It just throws major events in my way. I fear the day, because it often represents the start of a monumental change. I was christened on February 6th, 1966.  The church later burned down, which really…

Karma

  Warning!  If you have dealt with a profound hurt or loss, this might be a difficult read.  I am just exploring my beliefs and ideas, but I don’t have the answers.  This is my “what if?” experiment and you are allowed to disagree (politely, please). My spiritual self likes to challenge my scientific self…

Be Still, My Heart & Mind

As we rush madly into the holiday season, I am taking a step back.  Since my father passed away in 1995, it’s been part of my journey to pause around Christmas. Reflect. Look back on the year and see where it has taken me.  New heights and depths?  If not, I am not trying hard…

An Amazing Thing Happened When I Gave Up Cable TV

While on medical leave to battle breast cancer, I was fortunate enough to have long-term disability coverage, which meant I was still pulling in a monthly paycheck.  It was skin and bones compared to my previous income levels, but manageable.  We certainly weren’t going on vacations, an excursion was only as far as the pharmacy,…

If you died today … what would be your biggest regret?

Facing death is something I have to do at least every six months with my scans.  The grim reaper has come calling once, but it wasn’t my time.  I came back with a new appreciation for the moments we have and with whom we share them with.  If you aren’t in my life, there is…

poetry ~ one in two canadians

I submitted this poem to CBC’s 2018 poetry competition, but it wasn’t selected.  Instead I’d like to share it here with you … one in two canadians my breast whispered i am one in eight i can’t do this i reply back to lay awake poking at the lump staring at my white popcorn ceiling…

Lest We Forget

If I think of a month filled with the grim reaper … it’s November. Gone are the brilliant autumn colours.  Long gone are the vibrant heat waves of summer.  November is grey and barren and lifeless.  Not even a sprinkling of snow covers the bleakness of the month.  It’s too early to decorate for the…

The Meaning of Life

If you happened to see someone dancing on the street this morning as she walked her two dogs  … that was me.  Headphones and iPhone, two bewildered dogs and a dozen cars honking because I was just that happy!  I hope I made someone’s morning.  But I am also content to beat my own drum…

Lesson 5 ~ “I am never upset for the reason I think”

I had to let this lesson for today sit with me awhile. And remind myself of the research I did into the psychology of abuse.  The abuser’s overwhelming need to control comes from a place of fear.  The root of anger is fear.  It may look like fearlessness, but it isn’t.  It’s usually a warning…

Scanxiety

I was back at the Cancer Centre last week for my six month post-treatment checkup with my oncologist.  Just over a year ago in April 2017, I had never set foot in the (old name) Oshawa Hospital, or what I have affectionately renamed as the Lakeridge Health Oshawa Spa.   The Ajax-Pickering Hospital was closer to…

My Hero

Flash Fiction Challenge: Explore the Complications of Heroism from Chuck Wendig. “You are a hero!” my best friend whispered as she hugged me tightly. “Why?” I asked, “Because I didn’t die?” Still standing after a brutal year-long Round One in the ring with cancer and its insidious treatment, I need to squeeze my eyes shut…