It is amazing what a difference a bonus cheque can make.
It’s the difference between red and black.
It’s the difference between panic and patience.
It’s the difference between staring at struggles or dreaming your dreams.
It’s the difference between finishing university or not being able to afford the luxury of an education.
It’s dental care or none.
It’s having enough breathing room to see and feel the difference between a poor vs rich mindset. It’s finding essentialism vs wanting the quick fix.
It’s the difference between helping give your child a leg up in today’s ultra-competitive world or taking the candy out of their mouth. Almost twenty percent of Canadian children grow up in a single-parent household, with an overwhelming 15% of those headed by a lone female parent.
And once you get fed up with freeloaders, it’s the choice to remain single rather than see your meagre resources wasted on frivolous items. Men thought they had the single market cornered, but a whopping 83% of women choose to stay single over 79% of men.(1)
Ain’t nobody got time for that shit any more. Who the hell wants another dependent when I can chart my own destiny, so to speak? I work as much as I want. I go out with the girlfriends I want to see. I take courses, education and read trade journals to make myself better, faster and smarter. The dogs don’t give me grief about the dog hair.
And my space is my space. I have become so accustomed to my space that sharing it with someone else will be a bit of a learning curve.
I can whisper to myself that I am still a rock star while crawling into bed at 9:30PM on a Friday night because I’ve slayed dragons alone all week. I have dug into my career like never before and see the fruits of all that labour.
Being fearless and giving it every ounce of my effort. And still having a little left over for creative writing classes (though, not writing if the quietness of my blog is an indicator). I am rebuilding my security and stability one day at a time. Life will always be unpredictable; and so will I. But, my God, what a ride!
I became a cliché … “It’s not you, it’s me.” It really was. I wanted to hunker down with myself and do a bit of psychological, spiritual, emotional, mental and physical growth. I put myself first, which gave me room to reset my priorities for my family.
I’ve realized that I don’t want to change anyone but myself. I don’t even want to engage in the effort. Either we fit together broken and damaged, or we don’t. You have no idea how much time I found for me once I stopped searching for anyone else but myself.
I don’t miss the dinner parties (2) or the nights out on the town.
Still, having that special someone is what makes the journey worthwhile. I’m grateful that he understands when and why work is a priority. See you in Kelowna, sexy man.