My Chosen Word. It’s more than than a New Year’s resolution. It’s the one little word that you want to write on your soul. Something to live with and embrace in the coming year. It’s a word that might find its way to you on its own, and keep showing up on your doorstep, waiting to be let into your life. Or, you might go searching for it, and it follows you home. It’s a word you want to become.
You lean into it. Embrace it. Embody it. You study it and pick it apart. And never give up on it. Because life keeps offering you the same lesson until you learn and graduate. One fall from grace didn’t mean I stayed on the ground. I got back up and searched to find it again. One moment of disbelief didn’t ruin my faith … it strengthened it.
I could live in fear for the rest of my life. But I won’t. I’m going to meet fear head on and push it out of the way. And I am writing it here so I am accountable to you – dear readers – when I run scared. Or if I start (heh) acting like an asshole.
This year I want to become FEARLESS.
It’s one of those do or die, sink or swim years (or be the captain) … however I have lived long enough to know that life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. But let’s see how far I can go.
If I want to be successful at removing the bad fear from my life, I have to remake myself. For my bestie’s* benefit, this is not about removing the good fears from my life. You know, the ones that keep you alive. It’s not about being reckless. It’s about removing the doubts that keep me stuck, stranded and unable to meet my goals.
It’s about giving myself 200% … not giving it away to somebody else. It’s about being bold enough to not just define my dreams but go after them. It’s about forcing failure … because then, at least, I know I am showing up. I learned a huge amount about myself in my battle with breast cancer. I figured out who I am. And now it’s time to put that person in action.
Life continues to throw me curveballs. My family and friends often wonder aloud how I am still standing. My best friend thinks I must have slept with Murphy and really f*cked him over, because he shows up at every opportunity.
Instead of learning how to fight that wind, I need to learn how to sail in it.
In order to live FEARLESSLY day by day, I need to craft a mission statement. Sounds very old school but think about it. How do I know where I am going … if I don’t know? It’s like writing vows to myself.
Who do I admire? I admire the underdogs. The people who have achieved success despite their odds. I admire people who strive to be better every day. I admire the good guys who think they finished last (but they are first in my books). I admire smartalecks with a wry, dry sense of humour. I admire people who don’t take themselves too seriously. I admire people who can give and receive love. I admire people who want to make this place a better world to live in.
Who am I today? A single mother who supports her family on her own and still manages to give back to the community. In sickness and in health, through the good days and the bad (and I have been through some of the worst). Cancer survivor. A little bit crazy. I’m Driven. Headstrong. Intelligent.
But really, really tough on myself. I should give myself the same chances I give everyone else. I still allow fear & anxiety to sail the boat. I build walls then tear them down with words.
And my pride … That perfectionist tendency runs wild. But I am imperfect … and perfectly fine with that. I have learned to love some of my warts. I love that I have scars, and wear them like some people sport tattoos.
Who do I want to be? I want to stand out. Make a difference. Be successful. Be a writer. Be a sales executive. To be so good at what I do that they can’t ignore me.
What is my superpower? Authenticity? Courage? Bad-assery?
What are my core values? Faith. Grace. Genuine.
What is important to me? When I love, I love deeply. When I make a choice, I want it to stand by me. I want to live with grace, faith & light. I need to be able to trust again.
What are my goals? Financial security for my family. To live what I love and love how I live. To always choose the sunny side. To find the wolf for my fox. And to pay my Visa bill on time.
What are my passions? Creativity. The beauty of this Universe. Technology. Trying to find meaning in this existence. My spirituality.
What do I think is my purpose? (no … really) To lead the way (even if it is going off a cliff).
And what is my path? Life is a series of decisions and choices. I recall struggling in an abusive relationship and whining “I don’t have a choice.” A friend reminded me that I always had a choice. And not choosing was a choice. “But … But …” No buts.
Now I have to craft all of that into a personal brand. That will be Part II.
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I admire you. Beautifully written. -tsk
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