Stubborn or Tenacious?

My Oncologist Dr. F read me the riot act today … for not going to Emerg when my fever hit 39.6C/103F on the weekend … a whole degree over the GO TO EMERG IMMEDIATELY level.

I told her that I had no one to take care of my son and dogs.  She said “You’re useless to them dead!”  She really said that!  LOL.  I love her even more.

I shrugged.  Meh.

I said “If it got any higher, or didn’t go down, I would have gone.”

I would have.  But everytime I have gone to Emerg with a fever during chemo, it’s gone down almost immediately.  And I feel like a fool “… but I had a fever, really!”  I did. They actually recorded them at triage.  But I also knew that it would go down within 3-6 hours.

So I decided to wait it out.

The last thing I wanted was to be admitted to the hospital for a third time.  So I did what the health care system did for me while hospitalized.  I isolated myself and took antibiotics (yeah, yeah … left over from my last hospital visit … see the comment below about rules vs. guidelines) and drank lots of water.  That was better than waiting for Visiting Hours or being left in the Reverse Isolation Room in Emerg because I had a Fever for a few hours.  OK … my neutrophils were gone that last time.  But not this time.  I ace’d my blood test this morning.

My fever went down.

My vomiting and diarrhea went up.

My breast pain went down.

My fatigue went up.

My body felt like it had been run down with a steam roller.

My lymph nodes under my left armpit puffed up to the size of grapes then went down to the size of raisins today.

Since I have been taking antibiotics for three days, there is no sense testing me now.  Besides … my blood work looked fine.  So most likely the fever was caused by … wait for it … too much of a good thing and chemo.  I wore myself out.  And chemo took the opportunity to kick my ass.

Parties, BBQs, reggae and dates (Heather has POF & Tinder accounts), dinners, drinks, roof tops and patios, golfing, live music, dancing, shopping and filming videos.

Sophie aviators

I realize that is a photo of Sophie … but she is following her older sister’s bad habits!

And dammit!  I had to cancel a date with a hottie.

My Oncologist’s scolding barely even registered … because I am stubborn.  I like to call it tenacious.  Just like there aren’t rules … they are guidelines.

But I got my way!  I am cleared for chemo tomorrow, with an extra bag of fluids to make sure I am hydrated.

If she had tried to admit me, I would have had more than a pissy look on my face.  I would have argued “Listen, I know my body.  And I waited.  And I am fine.  And I am still here.  Without a fever.”

I wish to God I could find some of my baby pictures.  The first time my Mom heard the term “resting bitch face”, she cracked up laughing.

“You perfected that look when you were six months old!” she yelled!  “I used to die of embarrassment because strangers would come up to cootchy cootchy coo you.  You were a beautiful baby.   And you’d look at them like they were nuts.”

I am laughing out loud.  I can just see my six month old self saying “Who the hell are you?”  I still wear that look well.  Don’t patronize me.  Or waste my time.  I can write someone off in 0.3 seconds and not feel bad.  I am a modern woman, not traditional.

I’m determined to live life my way.

“The difference between tenacity and stubbornness is that one comes from a strong will and the other from a strong won’t.” — Anonymous


Sorry.  Not sorry.

draw oh heather

The Fox

P.S. If you are wondering who Heather is, meet her here … Oh, Heather … You didn’t!

© 2017


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