Virginity wasn’t a stigma that came into style until the Roman Empire somewhere around 27BC to 330AD. The Romans oppressed female sexuality to “protect” the stability and significance of families, social order, their rich coffers, and the state of the nation.
They raised the status – and purity – of a Vestal Virgin to an elite level of priestess. In order to claim the title, you had to survive 30 years of celibacy. To have sex – and fall from grace – was a crime not just against the Gods, but also the Empire, and dealt with harshly.
The Ancient Egyptians didn’t care. In fact, premartial sex was required. You could fuck as many people, places and things as your heart’s desire while single. You had to prove your worth. Trial marriages and divorce came easily. Young women banged anything that moved (or didn’t …) because that was how you proved your salt in ancient times. You got pregnant to show you would be a fruitful wife. Fertility and reproduction were the top societal needs. Other requirements like food, shelter, water were plentiful in the Nile River region. Conceiving a baby, giving birth and staying alive?! That was the hard part.
The Egyptians invented porn and erotica. Their papyrus was full of it. Egyptian art boasted overly large penises and nubile, flexible ladies. Most of their sex acts aren’t something I will write about … because they are illegal by today’s standards. What they did isn’t the interesting part. The intriguing piece is how nudity and sex were an open part of society. Everyone had sex everywhere. It was on their walls and in their temples. How and when did we become so repressed?
I am pretty sure I was a prostitute in Ancient Egypt in another life … at least I hope so! I’m not entirely sure where my beliefs lie in reincarnation, but I do know I have a natural affinity to certain places and cultures from the past, like Ancient Egypt and North American natives. My previous form could have held a high place in Egyptian society as an entertainer. She loved to danced … so perhaps that is where my love of bellydancing began?
Some ladies were extremely talented at their craft. Men went to war for them. Poems and songs were written about their physical love. These women were exotic and beautiful, and wore dresses of faience (beaded fishnet). Beauty equated holiness. They created that whole “smoky eye” makeup look that modern women still love. So I am positive my affinity for kinky clothes was born in that lifetime! Single males and females were revered as Gods/Goddesses, because anyone who could do the deed that well and that often were out of this world, no?!
And then along came the Romans, then Christianity, right into the Victorian age … and sex became more and more sinful.
Why, in the 21st century AD, is sex still a taboo subject? Assuming we start the timeline with the Sumerians back in 5,000BC, we’ve had about 7,017 years to deal with the psychology of sex.
Yet, even today, the idea of a woman liking sex – and, God forbid – indulging in casual sex, is frowned upon. A man sleeps with eight women in his social circle, and he is a stud. A woman would probably be called a slut.
I make no apologies for not only liking sex, but wanting it. And I’m good at it. I’ve opened up my mind – and my legs! – as well as some really good books on how to be a better lover. I’ve read articles on Playboy and AskMen for advice on best positions, how to give a better hand job and to find out what he really wants. Thank you, India for giving us the Kama Sutra!
I’ve even satisfied the urge to tap something without the drama of a full-blown relationship. I just wanted to see what he was like in bed, and once satisfied, I moved on. No strings attached sex is not my normal mode of operation, as I do need some sort of emotional attachment to my partner. One night stands hold no interest for me, because the best sex usually comes a little later. Still fresh and new, but you are beginning to understand what makes eachother tick. You can relax, enjoy and play. But I can also separate love and sex. In fact, the best sex I have had has been with men whom I was not in love with. Sure, I loved them … but I was not in love with them. Without the emotional attachments, we were somehow freer to explore our physical intimacy.
Does that diminish my ability to be a good parent? Does it somehow change my effectiveness on the job? Make me a less worthy citizen, even though I donate large amounts of time and money? Am I less attractive as a mate?
Women seem threatened and men have admitted they are worried about the competition. “You probably won’t stick around,” one guy told me. And women love to hate another successful women. I am glad I found my Girl Code tribe.
My sexual confidence comes from a place of strength, not weakness. I am neither promiscuous nor immoral. I have become more selective in my partners (although I still need to do some more work in this area and not pick partners because they seemed like a good idea at the time), and have no desire to bang another woman’s man. I can find my own, thanks. You don’t have to worry that I will steal yours.
I will admit that I have laughed at some of the reactions to the blog. While I am completely understanding that it is not everyone’s cup of comfort tea, I do ask people to probe their own reactions and ask themselves … “Why?” Why does it bother you?
Haters hate successful people. Criticism is self-hate turned outward. People hate you because you are taking chances and doing something big and bold outside the norm. One motivational blog told me “If you’re not pissing someone off, you aren’t doing anything important!” At first some of the gossip did sting but I realized very quickly that it is their issue rather than mine. I don’t really concern myself that the blog has haters, because the old quote “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time” is very true. I am not writing for them. I am writing for me. And the fact that I have critics tells me that I am doing it right 🙂
Once I made the commitment to myself to blog authentically, I felt like I had to be 100% in or 100% out. It was very Binary. I looked around at other blogs because I wanted to emulate a strong and successful style … and realized that what I envisioned wasn’t out there. I had to write it. And I did.
I don’t think any of my readers care that I am not a virgin. Cancer didn’t care.
Can I not be vivacious, strong, outgoing, supportive, dynamic, compassionate, generous, educated, courageous, resilient AND sexual?
And while we are on the subject, this is probably one of the most interesting articles you will read on the subject of the Virgin Mary – The Importance of Mary’s Virginity
This is religious philosophy that I can wrap my legs around.
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